Briana Says

2011-10-27T18:02:00.003+08:00

Hello guys, I've moved to Tumblr.

Here it is! WILD YOUNG HEARTS

Sorry for the inconvenience caused, boohoo! :D

Been a long time since I came around

2011-10-15T05:19:00.001+08:00

I’ve been avoiding all the questions I got regarding my trip (/pilgrimage) to Spain. Also ignored all the sharing requests I had received.

The reason being, well, for one, people expected fun stories and glam pics but in reality my second trip to Europe wasn’t such an enjoyable one. Second, up till this very moment, I’ve not fully comprehend what happened. You see, everything happened too quickly, chaos and wreck happened everywhere we went, plus most of the time I was in too much pain and annoyance to actually focus on anything else aside from myself.

It’s been 7 weeks. Recently I (a)accepted an interview from my friend who needed to run a news about locals experiencing foreign culture (b)included a little bit of what happened in Spain in a paper I wrote for Mandarin class; both helped me in digging deeper and actually reflecting on my pilgrimage.

So maybe I will write about it and actually post the pictures :)

I shall wait and see!

So late

2011-10-14T00:45:00.001+08:00

I’ve had a few attempts to decorate my room lately. It looks slightly improved (before this it was like one impoverished child), but it’s still far from what I have in mind. A friend said why bother when it’s not exactly my house, plus I might move to a new place anytime (maybe next year?) But I insist, because I really need a familiar and warm place to go to when I’m sick and upset. I need to make my room a place where I can actually feel a sense of belonging. I wished I had my pink walls and romantic big windows back. Boohoo.

Image from here.

Be Okay

2011-10-12T08:13:00.001+08:00

Hey there, good morning :)

It’s 0800 in the morning here at Taiwan and today is the first day since I got back where I wake up with a pretty good mood. Let’s pray that today will be kind to me! And I gotta go eat breakfast to keep this great feeling going on.

Image from here.

Time flies

2011-10-11T17:40:00.001+08:00

I need to find a reason for everything I’m doing.

Or else I’ll just stay in bed all day :)

Gold digger

2011-10-08T05:40:00.001+08:00

Doing bullets again!

ONE
So there’s this shop at the right of my school called 台一 and my goodness it has the best syrup and milk in the world. Together with simple fruits like mango and strawberry or stuff like beans and peanuts, and there you go, dessert so good I am almost almost willing to forsake my calorie intake. Seriously you people, Snowflake ain’t no match this :)
TWO
I decided to try out for the art department of the anthropology club instead of my usual preference, the event department because I wanted to learn some new skills. In the end they took me in and here’s my first project! Invitations for the professors to our annual BBQ party. That’s a totem pole, and a tiki statue. Cause yes I get very offended when people cannot tell what I’m drawing, lol :P
THREE
Last Sunday I attended orientation for Catholic under-grads of Taipei. (spot me!)

Was there with Marie and Stephany.

Met Father 柯士達 from Italy, who loves Pasta, hates stinky tofu and celebrated a special mass just for us.

馬各學姐, president of the society, who washed the feet of all her board of directors, signifying her mission to serve. (Marie and I were dumbstruck! We thought she was joking about the feet washing. I was actually really touched by her gesture)

God always has His ways of comforting me. The hymn we sang really made my day and I remember being so encouraged by His love.
FOUR
Being in Uni means loads, and I mean LOADS of Starbuck sessions <3
FIVE
That’s Lynnette and her Santiago de Compostela spoon, Joanna and her Spain bracelet and nothing for Melinda cause that idiot gave me the wrong address, ahah. I feel so happy sending gifts lah, makes me feel like Santa minus the fats, and being old. I should do this more often.
SIX
I went to my school’s Pop-dance Club’s Dance Exhibition/Welcome Party with Rachel and Trista on Monday. (I want to express my gratitude to my Taiwanese friends for having English names, or else I’ll be having such a hard time trying to translate their Chinese names)

That’s Rachel (who’s darn funny) on the left and Trista (who’s so nice she sometimes scares me) on the right!

They were pretty good and I’m considering entering the club. Okay lah, I admit my main goal is to burn some fats. GANG HO! :) Also, I bet none of our friends would dance with bikini tops/bra like outfits. Suddenly Taiwanese girls not so Asian lol xP
SEVEN
One day when I was waiting to cross a junction, I spotted a white girl in the World Youth Day T-shirt. I immediately ran over to her and screamed ‘HIIIII, I went to Spain too!’ And that was how I got to know Marie from France.

The Catholic Club of NTU throwing Marie a surprise birthday party :)
EIGHT
My mummy and daddy came to visit. Now I’ve got Kaya on my bread and Muruku when I’m hungry. I miss Malaysian food already!
NINE
It’s starting to get cold in Taiwan. What better way to celebrate Autumn than having spicy hot Thai food to warm our tummies and toes?
TEN
I hope that I’m going to feel better, so October please be good :)

Against the world

2011-10-02T01:32:00.001+08:00

Somewhere in between, we found a gap, a loosely shaded line.

An opportunity for choice, an escape for the very strained friendship weighed down by responsibilities, regrets and wrong timings.

We are liars, we lie to ourselves. We allow ourselves to venture close enough to that door, while making excuses for the one we left behind, while making excuses for ourselves. Like as if we really didn’t know what we were doing.

For once I feel like I’m the one who is more naive out of the two, the younger one with more reckless blood.
Or maybe I’m just a better liar.

Looking back, I see how I was pushing the limits bit by bit, going further inch by inch, all in the name of some seemingly innocent excuse. But you were stronger, you turned back. Once, twice, thrice … … you walked back and forth, back and forth while I waited by the door, feeling disappointed each time I saw your back.

We were this close. And you know it.

I wonder where would we be today if we actually went pass that door. But does that matter?

I can’t predict the future. Our lives changes its course with all the tiny nods we make and all the small steps we take. But to justify my decision, I tell myself I know your responsible self, that you will never be able to forgive yourself for abandoning someone. You will end up hating yourself and hating me and then I will be heartbroken and we will ruin everything we ever had.

I try my best to tell myself that I’m noble, that I am doing the right thing.
But sometimes even I feel like that’s the lousiest lie in the world.

Today, I give up. Because sometimes, loving someone is taking a step back.

So here we go, Cheers, to being best friends forever.

Keep breathing

2011-09-24T23:13:00.001+08:00

I’m once again in this place where I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore. So much uncertainty, so much to consider about.

As I speak, it’s so obvious to me the loopholes in what I proclaim as my belief or opinion. The more I know the less I understand.

Went to ShiDa Night market with Harry and Sabina today. I kicked Sabina’s ass in Chor Dai Dee :D (as usual :)

I also found the best place to have pancakes! Both sweet and savoury are good (cause in the afternoon we went for savoury and in the evening we went for sweet) (a bit paiseh cause the lady stared at us when we walked in again)

It was good, I should have more Saturdays like this one.

Don’t forget

2011-09-22T01:15:00.001+08:00

Just a little update on the little things that happened :)

ONE. I now have my own room, with my own refrigerator and my own bathroom. Which is awesome as compared to boarding school hostels. It’s probably nothing to people who own a unit instead of a room (ahem Lynnette, Melinda, Joanna, Kenn) , but oh well I am easily satisfied.

TWO. I did my medical check-up, I grew 1.5 cm! who knew I could grow taller at the age of 19.

THREE. I’m taking 25 credits this term, that’s 27 hours worth of classes per week. I know.

FOUR. I decided to take MUN (model United Nations) on Mondays, Dancing on Tuesdays, this self-improvement course on Wednesdays, Volleyball on Thursdays, Fencing on Fridays and Yoga on Saturdays. I KNOW.

FIVE. I went to an Egypt Exhibition. I saw a real Mummy :O Didn’t know they were black –.- It was pretty interesting tho (thank you Vitor for the ticket!)

SIX. Yesterday was Nate’s birthday. (Happy birthday again! I hope you’re reading:)

SEVEN. Today is Li-yun’s birthday, I got her Ferrero Rocher. Because, everyone loves Ferrero Rocher, I insist.

EIGHT. Check out Santigold’s Find A Way, Indie is love!

NINE. I’m trying my best to learn this very cool program called PTT. Apparently, you will never survive or blend in in the Taiwanese society if you don’t know that. Something like Facebook for us.

TEN. I tried making them call me Briana. But they failed, it came out all wrong and weird and some sounded dirty –.- Don’t ask me how is that possible. So, Nino, it is.

Okay, got Spanish class tomorrow morning, so adios amigos!

Mercy

2011-09-20T01:40:00.001+08:00

You have no idea how much I regret letting go the habit of writing. It’s so hard to write these days, and I feel like I’ve lost the ability to express myself. I am very frustrated.

It’s been 2 weeks since I came back to Taiwan, a week since school started. I am still in a complete mess. It is until now when I realise how bad I am in self management and time management. I is complete wreck. This is also the time when my mum’s nags come around and me wanting to proclaim ‘mummy knows best’.

Transitional period. I don’t know how long is it going to take for me to settle down, but I know that I hate what’s going on now, and I know I’ll probably reminisce and miss this later in life. Oh the irony –.-

I’m whining yes. Give me until this weekend to pick myself up. Yes, for now let me whine.

I am a big baby.

Per done Senora

2011-08-12T19:54:00.002+08:00

Hey guys, I’m leaving for Spain tomorrow! I know right, I can’t believe it either! I’m so excited, the day has finally arrived! After months of tedious preparations I'm finally leaving, fuuuuuh.

A few days will be spent in Madrid to take part in the World Youth Day 2011.

Another week in Lugo-Santiago while I take The Way of Saint James, a 100km hike to the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela.

A few days in between to walk around, visit museums, parks, watch some bullfights, eat some tapas, talk to some hot Spanish dude, that kinda thing! :D

Here are some of the places that I’ll visit/hope to visit.

The Prado Museum Monastery of ElescorialThe Retiro ParkRoyal Palace of MadridPlaza of Cibeles(a 19km hike to) San Roman de Retorta

So I’ll see you in 17 days time, ~~don’t miss me~~ miss me! but not too much :) I’ll tell you all about it hen I come home, adios!

Dry me eyes so it won’t show

2011-08-11T19:00:00.001+08:00

So for the past few weeks, I’ve been tutoring at the refugee school as usual, helping my mum with some of her work as usual, and I’ve finished my uncle’s memorial blog! I mean it’s mostly done, so from this point onwards all I gotta do is just update it once in awhile when there’s anything new.

I’ve been writing a lot more lately, I just haven’t been publishing them, they’re all very private pieces, safely locked away in my ‘drafts’.

It’s been a long time since I wrote in such an intimate and brutally honest way. I dug so deep it hurt, but I guess it was the good kind of hurt. It was horrible because there were so many things hidden and untouched, a lot of what I should’ve faced earlier.

I feel like I’ve gone back to what I was when I do this. This as in crying when I write, climbing out of bed at 3 in the morning to write, spending hours and hours making the words right, having nightmares and writing about them. What I was as in me. I’ve allowed myself to be someone else for a very long time, and it’s exhausting.

And I feel really good after all that. It was sort of like therapy for me, from me. I needed all that. Everything is not going to be better, they might be worse, I don’t know. But I know I’m going to be okay :) I think.

Image from here.

I just can’t get enough

2011-07-28T18:27:00.001+08:00

The other day (and I couldn’t blog about it immediately after because Yin Wei was too lazy to upload pictures), I had a catch-up session with my high school mates Joyce, Sophia and Yin Wei after a long long time, and by that I mean a year! :O

* Sophia and I

We had the craziest time catching up, it was just tons of laughter! I laughed so much my tummy ached :)

We also had Snowflake @ Subang which I insisted to try. Cause I’ve been hearing about its ‘awesome-ness’ for damn long and I refuse to believe it would taste better than the original dessert I’ve tasted in Taiwan.

Okay, I know the Snowflake photo looks way better than the Meet Fresh one, but trust me, it’s just Yin Wei’s awesome photography skills. In the end, Team Meet Fresh wins! Which give you guys more reason to visit me in Taiwan (especially those of you who think that a mediocre like Snowflake is considered yummy!)

btw, I swear that piece of sweet potato in Snowflake looks like a carrot, lol. And forgive the fingers in the Meet Fresh photo, yes I know it is very lala, but that’s how we Taiwanese roll :P

* Joyce and I

They told me everything I had missed out in Malaysia, vice versa I told them everything I’ve learned in Taiwan. I even told them about the embarrassing bits, which they took great joy in making fun of.

Last but not least,

* Lala attempt? SUCCESS! (I’m such a good teacher, ha:)

We can pass as Taiwanese already, although some fake eye lashes would really perfect the look :P

Basic Space

2011-07-24T13:56:00.001+08:00

Melinda’s Buddy (Buddhist Youth) have been giving aid to the refugees for some time. Last week, the caretaker of the Refugee School for young children aged 5 to 12 called Melinda in search of tutors. So now every Wednesday and Thursday, Mel and I are volunteering as tutors in this school :D

The Children Melinda doing her thing :)

Me and my student Mary San.

I’ve recently made a trip to Sabah where I visited a hostel for the Kadazandusun kids, so I tend to compare. These Burmese kids live in a far worse condition, the hygiene is poor and they have very limited school supplies for these kids.

I teach primary one students English on Wed and Science on Thurs. It was really challenging because there was a language barrier, I can only speak to them in English, which I can see from their puzzled faces that most of the time they only understand half of the things I am saying, and they can barely speak English! On the other hand, I know nothing of their native tongue.

Okay, except 12345 which is khat Ngi Thum Li Nga, or is it Li Thum Nga? lol

Anyway, I’d really like to help more except I’ll only be here for 3 months of summer break, so I can’t commit and in the long run they still need volunteering teachers, because they can’t afford to pay the teachers. Aside from that, as I’ve mentioned their poor living condition, they also need other help. Maybe some donation of rice, milo, that kind of stuff.

I’m really glad that during this holiday of mine I’m able to do some community service. Being with them seriously reminds me of how fortunate I am, it also reminds me the importance of helping others, all these just at the moment when I needed it most.

All this sugar

2011-07-19T13:26:00.000+08:00

The night before Harry Potter, Lynnette Mel and I went for late dinner at this new place in SS2, Upstairs Cafe and Bakery. The name reminds me of an Italian restaurant that I usually go with my mates when I was doing my Pre-U in LinKou, Taiwan, it’s called 2F (Second Floor :), the concept of the name is similar right? Upstairs = 2F, no? Okay, fine –.- Whatever, lol.

The food was average but the place is quiet and spacious, plus, it’s super affordable. Great for meetings or revisions, a replacement for McDees! Cause that’s what my friends and I do, sit there all day and have discussions.

I know that lately there’s been this crazy frenzy for macaroons all of a sudden (I don’t know why lah, maybe it’s Gossip Girl), and they do offer this delicate dessert at Upstairs Cafe and Bakery. So you can go ahead and try it out. Though from reading reviews, macaroons are just sickly sweet and this craze will probably die down after some time, just like what happened to cupcakes, or doughnuts.

I don’t speak your language

2011-07-19T13:02:00.002+08:00

2009
2010

2011

Yep, we’ve all changed, even if the pictures do not show.

Finally, University

2011-07-18T20:05:00.001+08:00

I was already getting a bit anxious for not receiving any news from NTU regarding my admission. But nevertheless, a piece of mail arrived today! :D

“Ms Leong Dan Shiow has been admitted for fall semester 2011 to National Taiwan University Department of Anthropology in Taiwan.”

Yes, that’s my super hard to pronounce Cina name.

Now, champagne anyone? ;)

Harry Potter, One

2011-07-17T19:19:00.005+08:00

Today Lynnette and I woke up at 8am to catch a 10am special screening of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 at TGV Kepong. Lynnette and I made a promise a long time ago, to watch every Harry Potter movie together, up till the very last one, up till this one :’)

I arrived at the mall with a very heavy heart, went into the cinema with a very heavy heart. As I sat down on the comfortably cushioned armchairs, as the lights dimmed, as the music made its entrance, as I see Dobby’s tomb on the screen, as the very familiar “Harry Potter” intro scene happened in its equally well known lightning shaped font, I was just, sad.

Harry Potter is a big part of my life.

When I was 11, my mum threw me a birthday party, a very rare treat. I received many gifts that year, a DIY clock set from Lynnette, a really cute piggy bank from Eng Siew, but one gift stood out, it introduced me to a world that I had not known. Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix. Aunty Jenny bought that one for me thinking that every child reads Harry Potter. In order to understand the story better, I made an effort to borrow the previous 4 books from my friends and I had a magical year end holiday that year, casting spells, going for rides on a broomstick, fighting dragons but more than that, dreamt that I would too one day receive a letter from Hogwards :’)

I was truly heart broken when Sirius died. I never felt so much for a book before, so much so I was squatting on the floor crying to Lynnette on the other side of the dear phone, scaring her to death with my shaken behaviour. I even abstained for a week in order to mourn the death of this hero. (Imagine how wrecked I was when Dumbledore died!) I remember begging my dad day and night, over and over again to give me the money to buy Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince when it came out during my Form3 year. I recall having losing the money in school and crying to my teacher about it, wanting to die until she helped me got it back and therefore secured the book in my hands. (Thanks Puan Teh!) How about when the last book came out? I saved the money to buy that one on my own, and felt the worst withdrawal syndrome when it all ended.

Over the years I collected all 7 books. The first and second, gifts from my mum. The third, an accidental bargain item from Amcorp Mall. The fourth, a wonderful present from my friends. (Thanks Louise and Miaw Fen!) And these books, they are always sitting at the middle section of my shelf, in the outward row of books together with LOTR (another favourite :) because books that are placed there are the easiest to reach. Because since day one when I was introduced to the magical world of Harry Potter it has never walked out of my life. I will always be reading it, all year long, grabbing at random a book from the series. It doesn’t matter if it was the third, or fourth book that I happen to grab by accident, it doesn’t matter if I just randomly flip it open and start reading at perhaps, chapter 12? I know the book well enough to start anywhere and anytime, I understand the characters, they’re my mates, my bestest friends :’)

I fall in love over and over again. I almost detest this line because I don’t think I’ve ever fallen out of love when it comes to Harry Potter. In fact, I’m not even sure if I can fall in and out because it’s just, part of me, you know? Page by page, word by word, in the end the books contain not just the journey of Harry and his friends, but mine too. I grew with him, I grew with the story. As the story goes, as the characters develop and as things change, so did I! The story has me in it. In some ways, it’s my story too.

*** ***
to be continued

What we had

2011-07-15T16:05:00.000+08:00

When learning Chinese Literature in Taiwan, I came to study a piece of classic which states that if you look at things from an eternal point of view, you become immortal, because there is much more than your body, because your spirit, your warmth, your touch lingers like a ghost in this world, if you look at things from a changing point of view, there will never be a same you, you will never live the same second twice. We are all coming to a point, that very brink, where a change so huge is going to happen it will turn our worlds upside down. I just wish that when I come out of it alive I would still have all of you by my side. Even when I know that it is quite impossible, even when I know that currently, you’re already so far beyond my desperate grasps.

Image from here.

How many stories

2011-07-14T16:05:00.000+08:00

Was out with Kenn and Tam last night for a midnight Karaoke session. And now we have a new term for masturbating derived from S.H.E’s Hebe’s new song 寂寞寂寞就好，you Jimo Jimo (cantonese:self-touch self-touch) and it’s enough. Aha :)

Lose it hard

2011-07-13T16:05:00.000+08:00

Today Mel and I went to this place called The A-listers at Centrepoint to get our brows done by threading.

I’ve never tried threading before because I normally just shave, or really don’t bother at all because as much as my brows are messy it’s not like it’s a jungle growing up there, also you can actually see both brows left and right, it’s not like they’re stuck together, and I have a drawn horizontal line for brows like Sin Chan does I:)

The experience was … … painful! After one brow my tear glands were already activated and tears were swelling involuntarily. But I had to go on because I can’t walk away as much as I want to with unbalanced brows. While I was lying there, I was angry at myself. The things I do to look nicer, even just a little bit more. I was also angry at the person who started this stupid trend that girls can’t have messy brows, girls can’t keep their armpit hair, girl’s have to trim their pepet hair! The trouble –.-

This is the Kakak who helped us with our brows, she’s really nice and she tries to be gentle although that’s quite impossible during the process. And yes, it’s not just me, Mel teared too.

As much as it was painful (note. I didn’t say excruciating cause that’s when you give birth, lol) the effect was really good lah, and all of that just for RM10. (Mel was saying the irony of us girls to pay this kind of money to feel pain and lose hair) Oh, btw, The A-listers also do hair removal for upper lip lah, armpit lah, pepet lah, legs lah, arms lah, you name it! And no matter everything I say in this post I will still go back 3 weeks later when it’s again, spring for my brows. Oh joy :l

Oh Cherries

2011-07-10T19:48:00.003+08:00

A long time ago, when I still blogged, I had written how some rare times when a miracle happens to me, I want to keep it to myself, just because I am that selfish and want all that happiness for myself. Telling someone about that happy secret seems to be sharing part of that joy away.

I haven’t been writing for so long, and for many reasons. Mostly because since my injury, I’ve got myself into the habit of just being quiet about a lot of things. During that time, I couldn’t write without leaving trails of pain along the lines and pity was the last thing I needed. I tried writing about other stuff, but nothing mattered more than being able to walk. In the end, I gave up writing altogether. I took the long way in healing other hurts than Lulu, because before then, writing had always been the fastest way for me to recover or come up with a plan for battle.

When I came to Taiwan, I wanted to write like before, morning in the day about the little sight seeings that makes me twirl around and celebrate life; at night, about the swimming thoughts that keeps me awake by raping my relatively big head like a terrible storm. I wanted to write because I know how important it will be for me in the future to look back at what I write now, just in case the future Nino forgets what she was when she first came to Taiwan (yes, everyone calls me Nino here, everyone.) I know that importance because I too look back at previous blogs to search for Briana when she’s lost.

Sadly, that importance is pretty much ignored. I tried but I just couldn’t, everything I wrote seemed to be wrong or dry or just plain rubbish. I write and delete, write and delete, until there’s nothing left. So now, I will have to reminisce this year with a very undependable memory, which I guess sometimes can be a good thing, because the hurt doesn’t seem so real and the love seems to be a little more fairytale like.

I’m very long-winded. Back to that secret happiness that I don’t want to give away. Yes, some good news happened yesterday, and for the first time, I’m going to write it in my diary instead of telling you about it :P (this is sorta for Louise, cause she always always asks me what’s wrong? or in this case, what’s right?) My point is, suddenly I feel like I can write again, I had a good night’s sleep and woke up feeling happy, a special kind that I haven’t been experiencing for a long time. And suddenly I feel like writing, also something I haven’t been experiencing for a long time. Word vomit :)

So this is a good start, I might be able to keep this, I might not. But I hope I do. Wait for more? (: I hope you do too.